How to Save a Life
by megzz78
Summary: In a single moment, Erin sees her entire life flash before her eyes. It takes a life-altering moment for Erin to realize that what she's needed all along is right beside her. AU ending take on the episode "knocked the family right out"


**Disclaimer: I do not own Chicago PD or any of its characters**

 _Have you ever seen your entire life flash before your eyes?_

Erin Lindsay was a tough woman. She was one of the best detectives in the Chicago Police Department. She's seen a lot of things; things that would scare most people to death.

This isn't the first time that she's had a brush with death.

She remembers being struck by a cyclist and losing a great deal of blood.

She remembers being held hostage in a hospital by a lunatic, holding a knife to her throat.

She vividly remembers staring down the barrel of a gun as she yelled "shoot me" at a man and sincerely thinks that in that moment she actually wanted him to shoot her and take the pain away.

But this time was different.

Her legs and arms had been bound. She had been completely and utterly powerless.

She had gone into a situation without back-up.

She had taken the risk and put her own life in danger.

She still remembers the gleaming blade of the knife; the sinister grin on his face. He wanted to kill her.

And she is fairly certain that if Jay Halstead had not shot him, she would be dead right now.

She owed her life to Jay Halstead.

He was her knight in a shining Kevlar vest, she supposes.

xxxx

A faint knock on the door breaks Erin from her thoughts.

Apprehensively, she moves towards the door, and looks through the small peephole, only to be met with a familiar pair of strikingly handsome blue eyes.

A small smile gathers across her lips as she unlocks the deadbolt and swings the door open.

Jay is looking at her right now like she is a fragile piece of broken glass.

She's not completely shattered. And she certainly does not like feeling vulnerable around anyone.

"Erin…" he whispers breathlessly, nothing but compassion reflecting back in his eyes. "How are you?"

"I'm doing okay," the brunette nods back, rocking back and forth on the balls of her feet. She was not at all prepared to deal with her emotions towards Jay right now. "Come in," she motions for him to step inside and closes the door after him. "Can I get you anything?"

He shakes his head. "I just wanted to check on you. I figured that you shouldn't be alone right now."

"I'm okay Jay, really," she whispers quietly, almost inaudibly. She's having a hard time convincing herself of this.

"You're not okay," he shakes his head as he takes a step closer to her. "You don't have to be strong all of the time Lindsay. It's okay to fall apart sometimes. What happened to you was…"

Erin looks at Jay and falls apart. She can feel the tough-girl façade slipping away and the guard that armors her falling down. Staring into his blue eyes and seeing the man that has saved her in so many ways brought a plethora of emotions out of her. And Erin was not good at dealing with emotions. She never had been. She usually just ignored them and buried them deep within herself.

Jay wraps his arms around Erin and pulls her into a tight embrace, allowing her to let the tears fall freely onto his shoulder. He reaches up and wipes them from her face before placing a tender kiss on the corner of her mouth. "You know how I know I'm gonna be okay?" she whispers quietly, her eyes trained intently on his, before slowing drawing the words out. "Because, I have you."

"Always," Jay smiles softly as he pulls away from the embrace and wipes the remaining tears from her eyes. They stand in comfortable silence for a moment.

Erin breaks the silence. "It's been a long day. For both of us. Why don't we put on a movie? Maybe heat up some take-out."

"Of course," Jay smiles as he follows Erin into the kitchen. They move around the kitchen in comfortable silence, stealing glances from one another, as they prepare food.

They both settle on the couch, in front of the TV, each with a plate and bottle of beer in their hands. When she is finished, Erin rests her feet across Jay's lap. They both pretend to be engrossed in the film but both of their minds are far from the movie.

"Why are you giving me that look?" Jay finally speaks, when he notices that Erin is studying him, and giving him a look he's never seen before.

She slowly pulls herself up into a sitting position and moves closer to Jay, leaning her head against his chest. "Thank you," she whispers.

"For what?" he turns to her with a quizzical look as she takes his hand and intertwines his fingers with hers.

"For saving me. You saved my life Jay."

"I did what anyone else would have done," Jay shrugs. Honestly, there are very few people in this world that he would jump in front of a bullet to save and Erin Lindsay was most certainly one of them. And, he was more than prepared to do that for her. "That's why you have back-up right?"

"I wasn't just talking about that Jay," Erin's eyes turn serious as she twists her head up to look at Jay. "You're always saving me. When I was falling off the rails, you were the one that pulled me out. And now, I would be dead right now if it wasn't for you. You're kind of like my knight in a shining Kevlar vest," Erin grins a little bit as she presses a soft kiss to his lips. "So thank you. For never giving up on me."

"You're amazing Erin, you know that, right?" Jay grins as he runs a hand through her dirty blonde locks.

"So I've been told," she grins back playfully as she lets herself fall back into Jay's embrace, eyes trained back on the film.

She finds herself thinking about Jay.

The way his eyes light up when he smiles.

The way he's always protecting her and looking out for her.

The way he never gives up on her.

The butterflies that she feels fluttering in the depths of her stomach when he kisses or touches her.

The patience and the compassion that he harbours for her.

She has lots of demons, lots of baggage, a past marked with scars. Most guys would run when they had the chance, knowing what Jay knows about her.

Erin has always been afraid of commitment; of falling in love. Her examples of relationships growing up weren't exactly healthy. Bunny had only modeled for her what a bad relationship should look like but not what a healthy one should look like. Her biggest fear in life has always been ending up like Bunny, even though she is the furthest thing from her. That's why she's always distanced herself from men. She likes being independent. She's good at being on her own. But now, staring at Jay and realizing just how badly she needs him, it scares her. She's never been this scared before. She's never needed someone like this before. She's never wanted someone like this before.

She flashes back to that fateful moment when she felt her entire life flash before her eyes. Staring at the cold metal blade that was about to claim her life, all she could think about was Jay and how she would regret not telling him how she felt, if she didn't make it out alive. And, then as if on cue, he showed up, gun drawn, ready to save her life as if he had been born to do that.

He was it for her.

And honestly, all she's thought about since is building a future with him.

It's funny how it takes almost losing the one you person you care about most to realize just how much they mean to you.

She wasn't afraid of death itself. She was just afraid of having to live without Jay; of not getting to potentially build a life with him.

She doesn't want to waste any more time.

"I love you," she blurts out.

She's not sure where it came from. She wasn't even expecting the words to fall from her mouth so effortlessly. She never imagined that when the time came, she would be the first one to say it. And she's fairly certain he didn't either.

The look on his face shows it all. She's blind-sided him with a proclamation of love.

"What?" he turns to her, confusion swirling in the depths of his blue orbs. "Did you just…"

"I said I love you," Erin elaborates with the softest of smiles. "Didn't think you were that deaf."

"I just…" Jay looks at her confused, a grin forming slowly. "Didn't expect that at all. How did you say that so casually?"

"I've been doing a lot of thinking since what happened," Erin shrugs, sitting up slowly and focusing on Jay. "And, I don't want to live my life afraid of facing my feelings head on. Having everything flash before my eyes, made me realize that I'm in love with you Jay Halstead, and I would deeply regret it if I didn't say anything. So, you're just gonna have to deal with it."

"I love you too, you know?" he says casually, earning a grin in response from Erin. "I've been in love with you pretty much since we became partners," he confesses with a slight laugh. "I just didn't want to freak you out by telling you how I felt too soon. And when I saw you there, tied up to that bed, a guy holding a knife to your throat, I kind of saw my life flash before my eyes too. I was so afraid of having to live my life without you. And, I knew I would regret it if I let something bad happen to you."

"Funny how sometimes a tragedy can pull people together, huh?" Erin offers with a ghost of a smile playing at the tip of her lips. She stands and pulls Jay up from the couch with her. "You better take me to bed now Halstead."

Erin Lindsay was going to be okay. She knew that. Because she had everything she needed right beside her.

* * *

AN: I wrote this one-shot after the episode "knocked the family right out." I was really disappointed that Jay basically saved Erin's life and they didn't have much of an interaction afterwards. So this is just me writing what I wished would have happened, especially because it's so uncharacteristic of Erin to confess her love before Jay.


End file.
